Book Burning

Ok, so maybe I didn’t exactly burn the whole book but in the interest of spring cleaning,

and preparing to take an artist summer sabatical working in another area of the country I invested some time tearing out the pages and burning the edges of various spiritual, religious and science texts including Sri Isponisad, The Bhagavad Gita, The Wisdom of No Escape, The Science of Mind, the Bible and a text book on the Universe laying them to create a jig saw puzzle effect for a new series of pieces. This piece is called:

Actions Speak Louder than Words here’s a short video of the creation process:

27 inches x 27 inches on board

$140.00

Shipping in USA Included

$40 dollars of the sale of this piece will be donated to Saving Our Sisters, a grassroots organization which helps support expectant mothers through emotionally and financially challenging pregnancies.

To inquire about purchasing this piece please email mswenderful@gmail.com with Actions Speak Louder than Words in the subject.

Thank you.

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A 10 Minute Me Break Available Now

Ladies……really listen……you are so awesome and amazing, even when you can’t do everything you are absolutely amazing.   Please make sure you take ME breaks once in awhile, they are really amazing, and you are amazing but none of us is actually Superwoman!  I am on a ME break now……….I’ve been telling little day to day stories about it……….please watch the video inserted in here…..it will take 10 minutes, you are so worth it…..now on with the little story of today’s little travels…….

While out of town I have been nearly facebook free, relaxing and working remotely. I’ve found a few hours a day to make sure I got some of what I call “office hours” in,  making time to write, researching art shows I am considered submitting too, checking messages, returning phone calls, weighing options about putting a gallery space in Yellow Green Farmers Market, and found out that 2 really great friends are moving to Florida, promoting and marketing via several websites, and its  working out to be pretty darn productive.

On this little trip I decided against bringing a camera and opting instead to embrace technology, “get with the times” and utilize instagram for photo taking.  Turns out I’m really enjoying it.   Today we drove over to the Rondout, as  Kingston’s waterfront is known,  walked around, wandered around an amazing antique shop, and went onto to window shop and rubber necked ……..

rub·ber·neck

(rŭb′ər-nĕk′) Slang

intr.v. rub·ber·necked, rub·ber·neck·ing, rub·ber·necks

To look about or survey with unsophisticated wonderment or curiosity.
n.

 

in Rhinebeck. Its fun just looking at things, mountains, train bridges running high over the river, the architecture, style of living, church steeples, clouds and mist, its refreshing to enjoy the simple things.

Today I happened to do a quick facebook log in to check for messages and took one quick peek in the Life Is Art Group  I’m a member of and stumbled upon this fantastic poem written and performed by

Sean Wallace / Roy “Futureman” Wooten

I hope you take 10 minutes to yourself to enjoy this video! I’m pretty darn sure you won’t regret it! 

 

Note to Self – Moving Forward

I’ve been making an effort to surround myself with only positive people who have faith in me and my dreams and vision for my future.  No matter how hard we try some people will always take it wrong, I am learning to let it go and walk away faster than ever before, shifting gears………with a………deep breath…….working on a goal for today…..getting in touch with  poetic side of self……..

Moving forward, the only direction one can go, embracing  freedom, the path my own,   gray dreary skies, nearly freezing rain, set the tone for dusting off dreams caked in cobwebs, subdued by interludes of lingering pain, self resurrection, preservation, rising from the ashes, facing awkward moments, moving through them, appreciating the simpler things, a hot fire, a good book, soft relaxing music, a warm cup of cocoa, friendship, droplets of water lingering on branches gravity pulling them toward the  earth below, squirrels and  birds scury and flutter among naked branches, as I sit writing in uninterrupted bliss, being free to just be, in the essence of natures love. 

DSCN2034
Note to Self

 

Its in Our Heads and In Our Hearts

They say it is in our heads and it is, but it is also in our hearts.  I’ve struggled so very much to let go over the last 4 years and its hard to put into words how it feel like I physically can’t, but this link helps explain it, at least it does to me.  A part of all my children always remains with in me.

I’ve never cared one bit, about material things,  I like dancing, reading, writing, creating art, spending time with people I care about, this is my entertainment, a great side effect is its mostly free, can take place right at home, out and about, alone or with others.

Electronics, gadgets, televisions, the latest phone, app, video games, or any other outside entertainment devices don’t interest me much. Sure I enjoy a video, movie,  internet or outside entertainment now and then but I could, and often do, go without them quite easily. I do enjoy electronics as tools to assist my own creativity.

I tried to get away from it all  in 2013, that trip turned out to be much more intense, full of challenges, and obstacles, trying to help myself and also others, this one at last, in gratitude and love, is just for me.

Getting in touch with me again, my own visions for my future, to stop being so hard on myself for feeling like I really, really messed up, for feeling like I can’t be there for everybody in the way they want or expect me to be,  especially my children, I want the very best for them always, and to forgive myself for not being all I’d like to be right now, I’m still pretty darn ok with me.  Its been a long hard few years, I know I am getting there, actually making really good progress and I am excited to have options.  Yellow Green Farmers Market or an individual gallery?  Where will the next stage of my artist career end up? The time to decide is coming soon,  I’m looking forward to it and feeling blessed for the time to decide at exactly the right time. 

 A break from trying to figure how to make everyone but me happy,  to tune back into my dreams for myself, for my family and eventually, hopefully to help mothers in need.   Just because I’m not there right now doesn’t mean I don’t wish I was sometimes, it will all come together eventually.  We don’t start college with our dream job secured for graduation day, its really not that different with other things we hope to accomplish in life. 

Away from the noise, the daily grind, televisions, sirens, peoples opinions, differences, perspectives, wants, needs, demands, social occasions, commitments, deadlines, obligations, the general hustle and bustle of the city. I am doing what I  needed to do for myself,  even though I’ve done this a couple a other times in my life, take a chance on getting to see my kids, and them to see me, and get on with living my life  with the best possible attitude, until the next opportunity arises, which sounds like its coming this summer.  

Wow, I needed this little break. I feel like a new person.

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Women Not Machines

Women Not a Machines is part of the series “Putting the Pieces Together”.  I find it challenging to discuss issues that women face and have feelings and or concerns about without being labeled a feminist.  Why does it seem at times that we must always try to shove people into boxes and put labels on them?  Isn’t compassionate human being good enough?

Women Not Machines was inspired through my  own independent research via internet and in face to face discussions with people about general perceptions of adoption. Sometimes it seems those perceptions are all over the place…..and many incorrect.  I find it encouraging that people seem shocked that mothers can sign away their rights mere hours after giving birth (hope for the human race yet?) .   I also find it encouraging that some people are quite surprised that in some states there is no grace period, signatures are irrevocable and permanent the moment they are executed under any condition. Consents can be executed from hospital beds, in parking lots and over the telephone. The laws on the books seem pretty darn old, pretty inhumane and perhaps, in need of an update.

I also find that when I share my personal experience, people sometimes want to believe I am the exception, I am one of the few nice ones who surrendered and subsequently lost their baby unecessarily, who did not feel they made a clear, conscious choice.  I find it somewhat disappointing that some of society has a view of mothers who place their babies for adoption as homeless, drug addicts, incapable, or unworthy of, straight up don’t want to even try being a mother, already have enough children therefore have “one to spare” or worse yet that it was Gods plan for them.

That one, Gods Plan,  always make me just want to shake me head and say…..Did it ever occur to you that whatever it is that you believe God is judging the woman for and forcing her to surrender her baby for (according to the Gods plan perspective) is actually a set beliefs you are trying to force on her?  Ever considered the possiblity that God put you in the expectant mothers path not to discourage her but to encourage and help her and her baby along the way?  Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t, but giving a new mother time to choose and not be rushed seems like a good idea to me.  I figure if it is Gods Plan she will make the choice God wants her to make whether rushed in mere hours (potentially causing shock and trauma)  or given time to begin to heal, process her own feelings and thought, and begin to recover from childbirth, say 6 weeks after birth, the time a mother is released from Post Partum care (time to feel things out, heal, ask questions, get answers, go through the biological process and make informed choices) Right?

Here’s some interesting information on the  Endocrine system and hormonal shifts that may also help those who have never been through pregnancy, labor, childbirth and post partum understand the process better.

“After giving birth, estrogen and progesterone, which are released by the endocrine system, significantly lower. During pregnancy, the body produces these hormones in abundance. It takes around three days for hormonal levels to return to their pre-pregnancy state. The body experiences a shock with the sudden change in hormones, impacting the mother’s mood, body functions, digestion, and ability to sleep” ….Read More of Article Here…. 

Women Not Machines
Women Not Machines 2014

 

How Did I Let this Happen

While doing this research I began to realize that not only was I accepting responsibilty for my actions, I was accepting responsibility for others actions as well.  It seems to be the way the great american adoption system is set up, blame the mother, blame the mother, blame the mother even if she was no where near her right mental capacities when making life altering choices and those around her may have known it.

I researched the effects of pregancy and hormones on the body during pregnancy, labor, birth and post partum and discovered that oxytocin (known as the love hormone) can also create feelings of trust and along with that, trusting people you ordinarily wouldn’t.  Oxytocin can also cause feelings of fear.

I researched natural endorphins and discovered they have morphine like effects on the body.   I researched sleep deprivation, (“Judgment is affected, memory is impaired, there is deterioration in decision making, and a decline in eye-hand coordination,” Cralle said. “You’re more emotional, attention is decreased, hearing is impaired, and there is an increase in your risk of death from a fatal accident.” )  stress hormones (Levels of cortisol and norepinephrine increase in response to stress; these hormones also influence thought processes) and  adrenaline and its fight or flight response and started coming to the realization that being filled with oxytocin, natural endorphins, being sleep deprived, physically exhausted from giving birth and pumped full of adrenaline doesn’t leave much room for fleeing or fighting or even realizing that one might need to fight or to flee.

This research led to me doing an artshow with 6 mixed media works created during my healing process, to bring awareness about pregnancy, labor, childbirth and adoption practices titled Putting the Pieces Together with this artist statement:
“Putting the Pieces Together explores a mothers love and bond with her children. This show was inspired by the artists own personal experience with adoption and has led the artist to shed light on the way we think about adoption in this country.

Over the past several years she has taken the time to research the effects of pregnancy and hormones on the body and discovered that Oxytocin, known as the love hormone also creates feelings of trust, and along with that allows for trusting people one ordinarily wouldn’t. It can also cause feelings of fear.
She researched natural endorphins and found out they can have similar effects on the body as morphine and heroin. She read about adrenaline and its fight or flight response. It would seem obvious being sleep deprived, filled with oxytocin and natural endorphins doesn’t leave much room for fighting or fleeing or even realizing that one might need too. She looked up information on stress hormones and found out this ” “Levels of cortisol and norephinephrine increase in response to stress; these hormones also influence thought processes”. In the State of Florida a woman can sign away her maternal rights in as little as 7 hours after giving birth ( as experienced by the artist) The artist asks, “If those who stand to profit financially or emotionally through gaining a newborn baby to call their own are so sure the mother has made a choice then What is the Rush?

The First Piece created in the Putting the Pieces Together series is titled “Stargazing One” a cosmic interpretation of myself, his father and our biological son.  It is NOT FOR SALE. It belongs to our son when we are reunited in the future.  God speed little one.

Stargazing One

 

Cosmic Mirror

Experimenting with reflections within my own eyes, I looked into the lens and clicked the shutter.  Is that my unborn baby looking back at me?   Photo taken in September 2011 before I knew I was pregnant.  Was God and or the Universe whispering of the future visually through my own eyes?

simpleFrameEngine

Cosmic Mirror  can be purchased here.  A portion of proceeds is donated to Saving Our Sisters an organization which provides support to expectant mothers facing  emotional and fiancial challenges during pregancy.

Reflections of Pregnancy

Taken in November 2011 durning my last pregnancy.  Something upon the water caught my eye and with a click of the camera I captured it.  Not until later at home when I saw the photo much larger on my computer screen did I see what to me appears to be a woman with her arm gentled wrapped around her pregnant belly.  Someone I am aquainted with actually thought it was me with some blurred effects censored for privacy.  This work may be purchased in framed, on canvas or prints.   A portion of proceeds is donated to Saving Our Sisters an organization which provides support to expectant mothers facing  emotional and fiancial challenges during pregancy.

Reflections of Pregnancy