This morning my mind finds itself traveling in and out of wondering, dreams, thoughts, ideas, past, present, future, what it all means, hoping for the best possible outcomes for everyone. As an artist this is a part of the creative process that drives and sustains me.
Feeling exceptionally grateful to my friend who invited me to take a little trip for a couple weeks, and a side trip to see my teenage children if the “stars aligned” (sadly they didn’t). I know the stars shall align soon, and even though I am pretty sure we are all a little scared, we will be reunited.
Facing fears, pondering consequences, merging life experiences, all of the memories of experiences that make me who I am. Where did the peaceful path take a turn down a rugged road, full of winding roads, uphill climbs, of confusions and frustrations?
Do I keep writing as mswenderful a name that for some people identifies me easily, or do I create a a new fictitious name? Is that hiding from myself, protecting my children, or denying them the truth of how their mother felt then, feels now, and hopes and dreams of the future?
I do dream of a future, a future with a home that my children and my grandchildren will always be able to visit. A home where I can easily pay the bills, or better yet, buy with cash so, for once in my life, I don’t have to worry about being one unforeseen set back away from a huge disaster that would only be a hiccup to lot of people.
My children have been the inspiration for almost everything I’ve ever done. Being able to go out and do things with them, treat them to going out to dinner, being able to visit my children who live in Virginia without having to take random chances because someone I know happens to be going by there and offered to help us see each other, is something I dream of and dare I even…look forward too? They said they weren’t ready yet, and there I was 3 hours away. It hurt, but I get it also. They are hurt also. It worries and concerns me as a mother in ways I won’t get into here, but I get it. We will try again in the summer.
It took me a couple days of being here in the Hudson Valley, to just relax and process. I could have let it depress me, instead I look forward to planning the trip for the summer, thankful for another friend who has already offered to take the trip with me. I will utilize this time to do what I need to do for me.
Being able to buy them plane tickets to come see me after we finally break the ice and (hopefully) they are more comfortable with me again. Being able to easily help my children if and when they run into bumps in the road, just as we all do, instead of moving for summer to take a job and try to help as I’ve done before, would be pretty darn awesome. Yes its true, I have an adventurous spirit and want to see much of the world, I also dream of a permanent family home which I am able to venture out of and return to also. I’d love to be able to share adventures with my children. So…..I following my heart I resurrect my dream to be financially independent through my own creativity.
It began 2010 after so many years of struggling to find and keep work in a fickle judgmental society, having crappy dead end jobs, being unable to afford a car, I decided to pursue my own independent living through art. I was quite used to living, happily even, on practically nothing at all, so I figured lets try this and started building what I hoped to be a growing little art career while still seeking and taking outside jobs, steps to build my own independence.
One of the most important things to me was to keep prices very affordable because I feel that everyone should have access to things they find beautiful and would love in their home, I didn’t want people to have to say ” I wish I could afford that”. No I don’t make hundreds of dollars per sale, but how cool would it be to sell a 100 prints a day even if I only made one dollar on each one? Why not try, anything is possible, especially with the “magic” of the internet and a company that prints and ships meaning zero overhead for me.
It never occurred to me to get in galleries, but somehow that happened on the way. Frankly sometimes it gives me anxiety. Its weird sometimes the things you never even imagined or dreamed of that happen in your life. I just figured heck, if I could make $1000 a month, wouldn’t that be a humongous difference for everyone in my life, even if I always had an outside job it would help give me freedom to change jobs, buy a car, to take short breaks, visit my children regularly and go on adventures most people call vacations and maybe, just maybe stop needing to ask for help every once in awhile when opportunities to better myself arise, if only I could afford them. (Thank you to my friends and family members who helped out and brought me to this place in the journey.)
So I suspect I’ve been rambling and meandering a bit with conversation here today, a day to refresh and revisit my many websites and resurrect my dream of self sustaining my life through my own creativity.
While I am going through the steps to stream line everything feel free to take a look at The Art of Being, Everything is Wenderful T-Shirt Shop (please excuse the green background I’m trying to figure out how to change it), or my Online Print Gallery where I stay true to the dream of keeping affordable art available for every one while on my path to independent employment!