They say it is in our heads and it is, but it is also in our hearts. I’ve struggled so very much to let go over the last 4 years and its hard to put into words how it feel like I physically can’t, but this link helps explain it, at least it does to me. A part of all my children always remains with in me.
I’ve never cared one bit, about material things, I like dancing, reading, writing, creating art, spending time with people I care about, this is my entertainment, a great side effect is its mostly free, can take place right at home, out and about, alone or with others.
Electronics, gadgets, televisions, the latest phone, app, video games, or any other outside entertainment devices don’t interest me much. Sure I enjoy a video, movie, internet or outside entertainment now and then but I could, and often do, go without them quite easily. I do enjoy electronics as tools to assist my own creativity.
I tried to get away from it all in 2013, that trip turned out to be much more intense, full of challenges, and obstacles, trying to help myself and also others, this one at last, in gratitude and love, is just for me.
Getting in touch with me again, my own visions for my future, to stop being so hard on myself for feeling like I really, really messed up, for feeling like I can’t be there for everybody in the way they want or expect me to be, especially my children, I want the very best for them always, and to forgive myself for not being all I’d like to be right now, I’m still pretty darn ok with me. Its been a long hard few years, I know I am getting there, actually making really good progress and I am excited to have options. Yellow Green Farmers Market or an individual gallery? Where will the next stage of my artist career end up? The time to decide is coming soon, I’m looking forward to it and feeling blessed for the time to decide at exactly the right time.
A break from trying to figure how to make everyone but me happy, to tune back into my dreams for myself, for my family and eventually, hopefully to help mothers in need. Just because I’m not there right now doesn’t mean I don’t wish I was sometimes, it will all come together eventually. We don’t start college with our dream job secured for graduation day, its really not that different with other things we hope to accomplish in life.
Away from the noise, the daily grind, televisions, sirens, peoples opinions, differences, perspectives, wants, needs, demands, social occasions, commitments, deadlines, obligations, the general hustle and bustle of the city. I am doing what I needed to do for myself, even though I’ve done this a couple a other times in my life, take a chance on getting to see my kids, and them to see me, and get on with living my life with the best possible attitude, until the next opportunity arises, which sounds like its coming this summer.
Wow, I needed this little break. I feel like a new person.