Today is Really Huge for Me

Today I get in the truck and drive up north with my friend for a couple of weeks.  There are a couple of people I haven’t seen in way to long that I hope to stop and see on the way.   These very important people are my teenaged children.  Money, distance and, I suspect a whole lot of painful frustration and confusion, has taken its toll on all of us over the years.  They are not sure if they want me to stop. I understand that completely and respect it, it’s still hard as a mother who wishes she could have been there, and at times could have done better and at time could have done worse,  to hear.

In addition, I am pushing through a haze of anxiety to go so far away, for so long, at all, something I was once able to do extremely easily.   Its amazing how some experiences feel like they rock us at our very core, turn us inside out, nearly unrecognizable to self.

I am beyond grateful to my friend  for being an all round amazing person who seems to always have a smile on her face and something positive to say and for offering to make the side trip if it turns out that my kids say ok.   If not, we’ll try again in the summer time, one way or the other I will have pushed through a wall and become a little more my old self.

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