How Did I Let this Happen

While doing this research I began to realize that not only was I accepting responsibilty for my actions, I was accepting responsibility for others actions as well.  It seems to be the way the great american adoption system is set up, blame the mother, blame the mother, blame the mother even if she was no where near her right mental capacities when making life altering choices and those around her may have known it.

I researched the effects of pregancy and hormones on the body during pregnancy, labor, birth and post partum and discovered that oxytocin (known as the love hormone) can also create feelings of trust and along with that, trusting people you ordinarily wouldn’t.  Oxytocin can also cause feelings of fear.

I researched natural endorphins and discovered they have morphine like effects on the body.   I researched sleep deprivation, (“Judgment is affected, memory is impaired, there is deterioration in decision making, and a decline in eye-hand coordination,” Cralle said. “You’re more emotional, attention is decreased, hearing is impaired, and there is an increase in your risk of death from a fatal accident.” )  stress hormones (Levels of cortisol and norepinephrine increase in response to stress; these hormones also influence thought processes) and  adrenaline and its fight or flight response and started coming to the realization that being filled with oxytocin, natural endorphins, being sleep deprived, physically exhausted from giving birth and pumped full of adrenaline doesn’t leave much room for fleeing or fighting or even realizing that one might need to fight or to flee.

This research led to me doing an artshow with 6 mixed media works created during my healing process, to bring awareness about pregnancy, labor, childbirth and adoption practices titled Putting the Pieces Together with this artist statement:
“Putting the Pieces Together explores a mothers love and bond with her children. This show was inspired by the artists own personal experience with adoption and has led the artist to shed light on the way we think about adoption in this country.

Over the past several years she has taken the time to research the effects of pregnancy and hormones on the body and discovered that Oxytocin, known as the love hormone also creates feelings of trust, and along with that allows for trusting people one ordinarily wouldn’t. It can also cause feelings of fear.
She researched natural endorphins and found out they can have similar effects on the body as morphine and heroin. She read about adrenaline and its fight or flight response. It would seem obvious being sleep deprived, filled with oxytocin and natural endorphins doesn’t leave much room for fighting or fleeing or even realizing that one might need too. She looked up information on stress hormones and found out this ” “Levels of cortisol and norephinephrine increase in response to stress; these hormones also influence thought processes”. In the State of Florida a woman can sign away her maternal rights in as little as 7 hours after giving birth ( as experienced by the artist) The artist asks, “If those who stand to profit financially or emotionally through gaining a newborn baby to call their own are so sure the mother has made a choice then What is the Rush?

The First Piece created in the Putting the Pieces Together series is titled “Stargazing One” a cosmic interpretation of myself, his father and our biological son.  It is NOT FOR SALE. It belongs to our son when we are reunited in the future.  God speed little one.

Stargazing One

 

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5 thoughts on “How Did I Let this Happen

  1. Thank you for sharing your story. May I ask if you have an open adoption? For-profit adoption agencies baffle me. Crisis situations are often temporary where adoption is permanent. I believe that mothers should have choices and we should protect them, but does everyone really know their options? I am glad you are putting your story out there for others to see. Separating parents and children is so traumatic to both. I look forward to hearing more of your story.

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    1. I was supposed to have an open adoption. About 3 days after my son was born I began to realize my body was going haywire from the inside out, that my son and I were bonded and meant to be together. About 3 days after he was born alone and terrified, while grieving, mentally and physically exhausted from childbirth I started looking for legal help by telephone. I kept trying for about 6 months, finally I wrote to the people who adopted my son, thinking maybe they don’t realize and understand that I felt I hadn’t really made a choice, only signed a paper at a time when my mental capacities were not fully available. I am sure I made just about every single emotional mistake possible in writing that letter. I asked them for him back. I got a reply from their attorney which told me that now all contact had to go through the attorney effectively ending the open adoption. I did not reply, their attorney was the same person who told me I had 2 days after my son was born to decide and had me signing paperwork 7 hours after giving birth. I felt it was in my best interest to not to have any more contact with their attorney. Attorneys don’t make open adoptions happen, adults willing to work together and communicate do. It took me many months later to start researching the science of everything. Its hard to put not only myself but my family out there, it is my hope that it will help educate the public and create compassionate understanding for mothers of all ages and walks of life.

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      1. Thank you for educating me and many others. I’m taken aback that after 3 days you couldn’t stop the process? Isn’t there supposed to be an amount of time for the parents to change their minds? That sounds terrible!

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      2. I am actually happy when people are surprised that there is not stopping the process after 3 days. The laws vary from state to state. The state in which I live the decision is permanent and irrovacable when exectued and can be executed when the mother is released from the hospital or birthing center.

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